Are you familiar with the phrase “The thing I feared, came upon me”?
This phrase describes a situation in which the thing that is most frightening, comes true.
how does it happen? How does the biggest fear become the one that is fulfilled?
Fear often stems from traumas, negative and painful experiences, accumulations of conclusions (whether right or wrong), and a worldview that has been formulated by personal experience or as a result of observing others.
Fear causes aspects of the psyche to focus on the subject the person is afraid of and does not want it to happen.
When there is a part within the person that is focused on fear, this part becomes a kind of magnet that attracts scenarios that match it, according to the principle “Like Attracts Like” and “That which is different is rejected”.
It is important to understand that when there is fear, there is a part of the psyche that feeds the fear and allows it to exist and, in some cases, encourages it to prosper and grow.
In other words, in order to deal with fear, it is important to recognize what is feeding it and allowing it to exist.
Behind the fear is a story and in order to cope with the fear, one must leave the story behind, to exist the story and move into a new space where the story does not exist.
Fear is linked to a central narrative (conscious or unconscious) that accompanies a person’s life. This story colors the individual’s life and overshadows them.
On a conscious or unconscious level, when a person is afraid of something, he or she holds within themselves a part that plays-out different scenarios.
These scenarios are part of the story, part of the narrative, and they deal with explaining how the fear can manifest, and how to avoid the realization of this fear and the pain it entails.
For example, a person who fears failure, even if he strives for success, will always hold within a part that is focused on failure, so that they be prepared for it and avoid it.
A person who is afraid of betrayal, even if he strives to trust human beings, will always hold within themselves a part that is focused on betrayal and is vigilant and distrustful.
A person who is anxious about abandonment, even if he is allegedly devoted to a relationship, will hold within themselves a part that is waiting for the moment of abandonment.
A person who is afraid of being broke, even if he is extremely rich, will hold within themselves a part that is focused on survival and waits for the inevitable bankruptcy.
Thus, when you hold fears you are afraid will come true, even if you invest your energy, will, and resources in trying to keep them from manifesting, you will find that there is a part of you that holds onto the fear and creates an inner conflict that impairs the quality of life and does not allow you well-being, and complete self-realization.
This inner conflict is between the part within you that is scared – which attracts all the scenarios that match the fear and a part that transcends fear and does everything to overcome or avoid it.
This creates a conflict between the part that clings to the story and the part that wants to leave the story behind.
Through my observation of the developmental processes I have accompanied over the years, I have recognized that if you are able to identify and refine your fear, you will be able to identify the narrative that accompanies it. That will lead you to discover that you manifest that fear through your behavior and express the narrative that accompanies it in the various interactions in your life.
For example – if you recognize that you are afraid of abandonment – you will find that in order to avoid abandonment, you become the one who abandons, and thus, time and time again, fulfilling your fear of abandonment through your own very behavior, regardless of what other people do (because it is better to abandon others than dare to develop a relationship and then be abandoned).
If you recognize that you are afraid of failure – you will find that you create failure and manifest the fear through self-sabotage (because it is better to self-sabotage than really try and then experience a “real”, painful and burning failure that damages self-worth).
If you recognize that you are afraid of betrayal – you will find that you are betraying others and thus manifest the fear of betrayal (because it is better to betray than to dare and trust and then feel the pain of betrayal)
And so on and so on.
As mentioned, fears are accompanied by stories, which are often detached from the objective reality. These scenarios are played on the psyche’s ‘stage’ regardless of the external reality. An individual can have a reality full of fear, drama, and turbulence, which has nothing to do with external reality, but gradually, this reality will be reflected in his life because it is the reality where his attention is focused on and occupy his thoughts, and which he attracts.
When you feel fear within you, or when you recognize that you are running around in your head different scenarios that are related to fear and are affecting your feelings and your will and your actions, my recommendation is to write down and map out the internal dialogue related to the fear and the different scenarios and create an aware dialogue with the fear.
This process has two main stages:
Stage one:
Ask yourself: What is the story that the fear is telling me? What is the fear behind the story?
Allow yourself to go through the different scenarios and try to move through the fear with an aware intention of discovering that the demon is not that bad.
What happens when your fear comes true? How does it feel? What thoughts do you have about yourself? What does your life look like?
Most often, you will find that passing through fear, thwarts the fear and brings it back into proportion.
Stage two:
Create a proactive internal dialogue that contradicts the fearful scenarios that are awakened by the fear, and tells a new story.
That is, create an inner dialogue where you run through your thoughts and imagination positive scenarios that provide an alternative that supports you, where fear does not exist and you fulfill desires without any fear or holding back.
Ask yourself: What does your personal reality look like without the fears? Sail on the waves of your imagination and let your vision take you beyond the limits of fear and logic.
Remember, whatever you focus on becomes stronger and more powerful, thus enhancing the internal and external reality you seek to create.
I’ll tell you another little secret.
Fear creates room for opportunity.
Where there is fear – there is a lack of love and goodwill, and uncertainty prevails.
Where there is fear – there is control and attachment that create a delusional sense of security.
Where there is fear – there is an opportunity to grow beyond the familiar and known.
Ask yourself: Am I ready to leave the story behind and move into a new and unfamiliar space where the story does not exist? Who can I be without the story? What will I base my confidence on?
When you are scared – know that this is a window of opportunity for you to observe an area within your psyche that seeks love and goodwill, to help it feel more confidence and inner certainty.
If you treat fear as a window of opportunity, you can embrace the fear with love and goodwill, thereby enhancing your ability to transform fear from an enemy into a lover, and pass through the fear, transcend it, and create new experiences that will help you grow and empower you and your surroundings.
That which we create, shall become
Louharya
